I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
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