I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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