We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
