My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
