I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Terrible idea I love it
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
