She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
