even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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