so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
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Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
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Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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