you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
