it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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