He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
