So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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