I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
