just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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