whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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