i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Randomize
