tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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