they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
