my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
