I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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