I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
