I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
