I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
