my phone needs a breathalizer
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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