garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
