I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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