I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
