I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
