i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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