"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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