It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
