I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
