3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
There's always time for handjobs
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
