u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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