woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
