I think i peed on brittanys purse
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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