Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
