You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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