This dress was meant to end up on your floor
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize