Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
