I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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