so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
