he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
