never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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