3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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