yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
