the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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