I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
