the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
