What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
