my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
