apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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