Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
