In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
