so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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