I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
