i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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