so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
