The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
